Toni (German octogenarian with super-human strength and OCD) to Hannah (pretty A level student who turns up for one hour every week to check that our jigsaw puzzles have the requisite amount of pieces - apparently she will get a Duke of Edinburgh award if she keeps it up for a year...)
"Look darling look this would be beautiful on you, here darling you have it..."
Me (choking on tuna sandwhich from Sayers)
"Hang on Toni I think that's a Chanel dress....?"
"Yes darling yes but it would suit the girl, let her take it don't be mean..."
"I...erm, sorry to be rude but, well...no we could sell that for quite a lot. I think so do you mind not giving it to Hannah? No offence. You're brilliant at sorting jigsaws and that but well, no way."
Hannah continues counting jigsaw pieces. Toni mutters insulting things about me in German whilst crushing cardboard boxes between her thighs.
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